Do School Sports Feel Like A Fight?
It’s the middle of basketball season.
You’re walking out of the gym after another school game, and it feels like you’ve just been in a fight. Your emotions have been all over the place—anger, frustration, discouragement, then a brief moment of hope, only to circle right back again. You’re sweating a little, shoulders tense, jaw tight, as if you just finished a workout instead of watching one.
And the questions start coming fast:
Why is this so hard?
Why can’t the coaches see it?
Why can’t the refs call it fairly?
Why can’t my kid be more effective right now?
These are honest questions. And for parents navigating school sports, they’re incredibly common.
Why This Feels So Heavy
School athletics is not simple.
What begins in middle school as wide-open opportunity quickly narrows. Seventh-grade teams with ten players who can barely dribble turn into eleventh-grade rosters where ten capable athletes are competing for five roles—and sometimes only two meaningful ones.
Athletes who were once ascending in the eyes of coaches suddenly find themselves relegated to limited minutes or unfamiliar roles. Add in coaching changes, new systems, new expectations, and shifting philosophies, and the environment can feel unstable fast.
What parents experience is a loss of predictability.
What athletes experience is a loss of identity.
That combination creates tension—and tension feels like a fight.
What Parents Are Really Hoping For
At the core of it all, most parents want just a few simple things for their athlete:
Confidence – to see their child believe in themselves
Competitiveness – to be part of a culture that competes with purpose
Command – clear accountability, structure, and trust in the system
Commitment – coaches who support development, not just outcomes
Care – relationships that nurture growth, not diminish it
On paper, that doesn’t feel like a big ask.
In reality, delivering all five consistently within a school sports setting—limited time, limited roles, limited resources—is incredibly difficult. That’s why the programs that do get it right stand out so clearly from the rest.
When those elements are missing, frustration follows.
A hesitant athlete who freezes when opportunity appears.
A team that enters games already down ten mentally.
A program where expectations keep changing and nothing feels stable.
None of this means your athlete is broken.
It means the environment is demanding.
School Sports Are a Pressure Cooker
No matter the level or the coach, school sports operate within a complicated model.
Dozens of athletes converge at the same moment, chasing limited opportunity, under public evaluation, with emotion layered on top of emotion. Pressure is unavoidable. Conflict is inevitable. Growth is rarely linear.
This is why parents feel like they’re constantly bracing themselves.
So how do you get relief?
Finding Relief in the 3 P’s
Poise
Parents must remain poised—even when it’s hard.
Poised parents understand that limited time does not mean finished time. Momentum can shift in a moment. A role can change in a week. Confidence can return in a single game.
Many families unknowingly expect uninterrupted success because their athlete experienced it from ages 6–12. But once school sports begin, athletics becomes more like a job—and every job has hard seasons.
Across my high school, college, and professional career, I experienced doubt, discouragement, and even depression—alongside elite success. Pressure is not a sign of failure. It’s part of the process. It often reveals who is truly committed.
Plan
A plan promotes poise.
When families focus only on results, emotions swing wildly. A plan shifts attention to process. Training plans. Strength plans. Development plans. Even career path plans.
Plans allow adjustment. They create hope grounded in action. They help athletes stay engaged even when outcomes lag behind input.
Without a plan, frustration multiplies.
With a plan, progress becomes visible.
Patience
Patience may be the hardest—and most important—skill of all.
In today’s sports culture, one good game out of three is meaningful. One strong month can signal growth. A breakthrough every few weeks is normal—even at the college and professional level.
The athletes we see dominate nightly—LeBron James, Stephen Curry, Kevin Durant—are the rare one percent. Most athletes experience success intermittently.
That doesn’t mean they don’t want it.
It means development takes time.
A Different Way to See the Fight
School sports feel like a fight because they are a test—of resilience, identity, and perspective. Not a fight against people, but against the uncertainty and emotional swings that come with growth.
When parents stay poised, plan intentionally, and practice patience, they give their athlete something invaluable: stability in the middle of chaos.
Seasons change.
Roles shift.
Confidence wavers—and returns.
If your athlete continues to show up, adjust, and persevere, then even the hardest nights in the gym are not losses. They are preparation.
Not just for sport.
But for life.
About the Parent Athlete Advocate
Dr. Jason Parker and Dr. Juwan Parker are former Division I basketball standouts, attorneys, and lifelong mentors committed to helping families navigate the increasingly complex world of high school athletics.
Dr. Jason Parker is a former Division I All-American, high school all-time leading scorer, and former school district Athletic Director. Dr. Juwan Parker is a former Division I All-Conference performer, State Player of the Year, NBA and high school coach, and attorney.
Together, they founded Parent Athlete Advocate with a simple but powerful mission: to help parents successfully navigate the high school athletic journey through intentional planning, mentorship, and consultation—so athletes are prepared for opportunity, not overwhelmed by it.
