I’m Just Not Sure If They Want It…

Every parent has had that moment that draws us in.

The flicker of light.
The glimmer of hope.
The spark that makes you lean in and say, “This might be something.”

Maybe it’s your child outside every evening, shooting on that worn-down driveway hoop. Maybe it’s the way their eyes light up in competition. Or maybe it’s a coach or trainer pulling you aside to say, “Your kid has real talent.”

However it happens, at some point most parents are drawn in.

So we do what good parents do.
We support. We sacrifice. We strategize.
We invest time, energy, and resources to place our athletes in the best environments possible—hoping it helps them thrive.

And then, somewhere along the way, something changes.

The spark feels dimmer.
The confidence isn’t quite the same.
The gym doesn’t call like it used to.

And the question creeps in:

“Do they even want this anymore?”

Shifts Can Separate

One of the hardest truths for parents to accept is this:

Our perspective is not our athlete’s perspective.

Parents see the big picture. We have experience, context, and hindsight. Athletes—especially teenagers—are still forming identity, confidence, and emotional regulation in real time.

That means shifts hit them differently.

Growth spurts.
Coaching changes.
Role changes—starter to bench, bench to cut.
New teams. New schools. New expectations.

Any one of these can temporarily separate an athlete from the version of themselves they used to recognize.

What parents often can’t imagine is how intimidating it can be to suddenly be smaller, younger, weaker, or newer than everyone else in the room. Playing up on JV or varsity can feel like an honor to us—but to a young athlete, it can feel like exposure.

I remember being called up to JV as a freshman. For the first time, I felt undersized, overpowered, and unsure. My shot was blocked. I got knocked down. The ball was taken from me.

It didn’t take long before my internal dialogue shifted from “I belong” to “Maybe I’m not that good.”

That doesn’t mean I stopped wanting it.
It meant I was adjusting.

Familiarity Frustrates

Another gap between parent perception and athlete behavior is familiarity.

Parents often think, “If I had access to trainers, AAU, shooting machines, and film like this when I was young, I’d have lived in the gym.”

But today’s athletes don’t know a world without those things.

What feels like opportunity to us feels like background noise to them—just like GPS, air fryers, and streaming services feel normal to us but unnatural to our parents.

There’s also familiarity of environment.

Teams that don’t challenge them.
Coaches who don’t trust them.
Teammates who don’t push growth.

Sometimes the problem isn’t a negative environment—it’s a stale one. No growth. No stretch. No new demand.

If you were stuck in fifth grade for three years, you’d lose motivation too.

Dedication Delineates

At some point in every athletic journey, separation happens.

A peer grows six inches.
A friend fully commits and trains nonstop.
Someone else suddenly becomes “the girl” or “the guy.”

And parents think:
“Why not my kid?”
“We’ve invested just as much—if not more.”

Here’s the hard truth:

Every athlete’s journey is unique.

Just like our professional lives, different things activate us, cause us anxiety, or inspire us. What looks like falling behind is often just diverging paths.

So… Do They Want It?

Here’s the question most parents should be asking instead:

Are they still showing up?

If your athlete keeps coming back—
even through confidence dips,
even through role changes,
even through frustration, teenage hormones, and doubt—

that says far more than temporary enthusiasm ever could.

Even adults have uninspired days at jobs they love.
Why would we expect teenagers to be different?

Remember why you started this journey in the first place.

Not for scholarships.
Not for rankings.
Not for validation.

But to give your child a healthy outlet.
To watch them grow—on and off the court.
To help them learn perseverance, confidence, and self-belief.

If those things are still happening, then even when it looks like they don’t want it…

They’re probably right where they’re supposed to be.